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Feb. 17th, 2012

So I recently mentioned on gudu about this memoir in progress of sorts. That isn't this. I haven't been throwing stuff up on LJ as much. I like the style of blogger a little better and I dunno. I might start cross posting that way I have that stuff up on here too. but untill then, if you like you can check it out.

PM me if you are curious on the link

Much love guys


I doubt anyone still follows me but i haven't fallen off earth! I cut my dreads and my pc died. I pretty much only came on here for my dread community and wound up falling in to the black holes of twitter, Facebook and blogspot while reconnecting with my mIRC roots. Oh and don't fret as I've started another set, which I will eventually get to posting to gudu. There was break up in there combined with an added short day at work with GED class, random I know and throw in a handful of shitfaced Saturday, which came about when it was me and my sisters only time to drink together, trying to get back in to music and a handful of new friends and times with great old ones and I'm fucked time wise. But it's good for the most part. Looking for a new gal sucks but it can be fun along the way at times :)

Hope all you guys are doing good,

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.



A little over a year ago this girl starting coming in to my bar. Pretty blond one. She mostly came in alone with a book. I never talked to her because I thought she was doing schoolwork(college, cause she was obviously 21 to be drinking wine), I thought this because she was always copying stuff out of the books she was reading, I figured she was taking notes. From time to time she'd come in with this other girl, or meet her there. To my recollection she was a bit darker skinned, I took her for a latin gal. But the blond was way cuter.

So one night, I had to take my sister in to town for something or another. while filling water bottles I get a craving for a cigar(I used to smoke them much more than I do now, though I do still love them), I walk in to the grocery store and up to the service desk which happened to still be open and there she was(though I didn't realize it at the time). So I ask her for a cigar. Not knowing much about cigar brands especially in a piece of shit grocery store I tell her "Pick one for me maybe it was the beer I had before finding out I had to run to town but I followed it up with I trust ya! Just don't give me one of those cheap ones" the cheap ones taste like ass, I wasn't trying to impress anyone. She then asked me "Hey don't you work at the wine bar?" To which I replied "Yes I do, I think I've seen you in there before" of course I had! I guess I was playing it cool. She said yes and I told her she should come back some time. and that was that.

Then one day it was mildly slow on a friday but I was trying to keep busy, I didn't feel like sitting in the kitchen drawing or playing one of the two games my phone at the time had. So I was doing various other shit. I had to use the rest room and she was sitting at the very end. There's this plank that blocks people from coming behind the bar on that end, which was down today. I ducked under and went on my way. On the way back from the bathroom, I stood up to soon and slammed in to it so hard it went up about 6 inches and came crashing back down on the bar. I want to say there was stuff on top of it too but luckily I didn't break anything. After analyzing the situation of did I break anything or not, I quickly couldn't think of what to do. Surely I couldn't just walk away. So I turned to her and said "Hey, so, What's up?" She was giggling and said "Not much how about yourself, are you ok?" I think I replied with something like "I'm fine, I've got a thick head and I'm just wandering around, workin." We talked back and forth about god knows what(I think the bump on my head or shock that I just-without thinking-spoke to this girl, but I don't remember what we talked about. just normal bs small talk probably). I find out her name is Renea. About 10, 15 mins later her friend showed up. They ordered... I think an asiago plate. They were also drinking hard cider.

They stuck around for awhile till the friend left, while the blond stayed. I have to give her credit, she wound up staying there pretty much till closing. My bosses boyfriend realized she was sitting there and said "Hey that cute blond is back you should go talk to her" So when I was finally "off" work I went over and sat one chair away from her(Sitting right next to her is a bit forward for me and always makes things awkward for the girl in my opinion). I say "off" because there was an order or two but my wonderful boss took care of it. I think she knew I was in to her. I liked her because... The only way I can put it is she challenged me. I told her I hadn't talked to her before cause I thought she was doing schoolwork and she said she was copying stuff from a poetry book and that she wrote. She asked me what I was in to and I told her music mostly and said I played bass and dabbled in guitar, she asked if I was in a band. I told her no and she right out asked me why not? I gave a few half assed reasons and she told me I should be and that I should learn more about music and bass. She asked why I hadn't. I had no real reason other than being busy and adjusting to having a job for the first time. No one ever did that. She asked why I wasn't in the modscene anymore for making modifications for game. Again I had the same reasons. No one did that. I was interested to say the least. I found out she was between the town we worked in and the town I live fucking plus if I ever heard one. So after awhile she was pretty buzzed and it looked like we were closing(we weren't, Don and Debby were there and we close when they're ready) I told her if she wanted to stay I'd protect her from getting forcibly thrown out but she had to go anyways. She gave me her number as she was leaving and then she split. I left soon after.

I went home excited, proud. I had gotten my first phone number, my mom suprisingly was more excited than my dad. He can be hit or miss, it depends on the mood really.

The next day I was at work and told my boss and her boyfriend about it. They said I HAD to call her, atleast call her and set up a date. Otherwise she'd never come back in the bar or if she did, she'd either give me shit or it would just be way awkward. I learned that the movies are not so great for a first date because you're just sitting there watching something, not really talking. Dinner or lunch is good, but what's best(according to them) would be to go on an adventure(my words not theirs). Go somewhere walk around window shop, hit up a park, something. So I threw out the parade in my town and they said I could do that. So I call her. I only took a few shots and a beer before I was ready. I called her. She was at the indian pow wow in the town I was working so she couldn't make the parade but I told her there was a big thing afterwards at the fun-house here in town(a bar of sorts, but not really a bar. but it really is). She said she could probably make it.

See, I had been single for 3 years. 3 running years. Not only that but I had never been on a date like this. I had had 3 girlfriends in that timespan and met them all on the internet. Only 2 of which I had met in person. It was always come over to my house and lets chill. they all lasted a year+ but still, I had never been on a real date. The closest was going to my first girlfriend's graduation thing for whatever grade she was in. It was a big event of sorts I suppose, anyways.

So now this is a bit... young? childish? shy? No, not really any of those things. But I had asked my parents if they wanted to go up to the fun house and told them they could meet this girl, well I actually asked if they please would come out. Not because I was shy or anything like I previously stated. I needed a drink. I had held my own before hand, sober, but that was differen't it wasn't a schedualed date. So on this date I needed a drink. I was 19 going on 20(I was to turn 20 the next month) So I needed my parents there if I were to have a beer. So I tell her where its at after she calls and we go up there. I slammed 2 or 3 beers before she gets there. She should've been here by now So I get out my cell and commence to looking for a signal about that time I see her pull up. it was dusk. She comes over probably not expecting to meet my family. And after the way I fucked up with the last girl that met my parents I make this a point. I introduce her to my dad, mom, sister Jennifer and two younger sisters rose and carin. So she says hello and sits, I ask her what kind of beer she wants(It was either shiner or dos equise) and get it for her. We start talking and then my mom gets half buzzed and starts to confess how she told me about this really cute ass blond girl that works behind the service desk in super s and how she told me I should talk to her. I barely remember but apparently Renea is the same girl. My mom still boasts about that from time to time, heh eh.

So right around nightfall, My cigar dies. I need another one, the ice house is closed. So I call John, my bosses boyfriend and tell him that he and sandra(boss) should come down that we're having a good old time and that Renea had come out. I called him and left him 2 or 3 messages(I was mildly drunk at this point). Then, Ms Renea realizes that she needs to get a 6 pack of watermelon smirnoff for her sister because she and her dude wanted to drink it. So I ask her if she's coming back or anything and she said she would but then we didn't know if the fun house would still be open(they dont open on sunday, this was an exception) So one way or another, She offered or I asked if I could go with her. So I go with her, in her car. The first thing I hear when her car starts is "With arms outstretched" by Rilo Kiley. I'm freaking out. "YOU LISTEN TO RILO KILEY? oh my god I didn't think anyone out here listened to anything but the radio! She's asking if I want her to change it or anything cause it's a bit girly, but I said no. I love Rilo Kiley and that song. I was suprised to say the least. It all felt right, it all felt perfect. I was happy.

We get the smirnoff, I can't remember if I got a cigar. We wind up at her(and her parents) house, she lives in a building off the side of her parents. holy shit son of a bitch -- cut. I live next to my parents too, on the same ranch no less! So we drop off the smirnoff in the drop off area(her room next to the door) for her sister. Then she wants to take me to the water hole to show me. So we stop and walk down with a smirnoff for each of us. We sit and talk and watch the stars till we finish our drinks then we go to turn around, she's telling me about the land and such, till she cuts a corner too tight on the wrong turn. Some rebar was poking through and took out her tire. So we borrow her sisters car to take me home. At that point I met her family. I can only imagine what they thought, first date, i'm in their house, borrowing her sisters car, I've got dreads.

So we take her sisters car and she's going to take me back to the funhouse. I make a comment that the time is wrong on her clock in the car. After driving a bit I'm pretty sure I stole a cigarette. I hadn't had one in 4 years. well, that's a lie. I was at my cousins birthday party at my aunt's house a month before and had run out cigars there also and stole cigs from my cousin. Afterwards I found half a pack of American Spirits Lights that someone had left and started smoking those. After that pack I quit again. So I don't think I got a cigar, they were out of the ones she gave me, or maybe I did but didn't want to smoke it in her car. I forget. About halfway there I exclaim "IT'S ALMOST 4:20!" She giggles and asked if I smoked. I told her occasionally. So we decide to go to my house and skip the fun house if I can put up with her in that situation. I told her of course I could. We see the funhouse open and laughingly wave at all the people as we go by. I warn her about my house being a mild wreck and she accepts that.

At the time my bed was in the living room and my couch had broken(which is why the bed was there) so we had to sit on my bed. Which was pretty much the same in her house holy shit this is ironic and glorious So we get here. I've got beer so we get some out of the garage and come in. We sit about 2 feet away from eachother, spark and start talking. After keeping the crazyness that is my family at bay for the night(didn't want to make the wrong impression right off the bat) We kept talking. After awhile I got up to use the bathroom. I came back and took a glance at everything. The situation, the people wandering around the yard in the drunken stupid party antics we usually get in, the location of things in the room, the location of her and my location. I glance at her and stretch and groan and then I tell her: "Alright, I'm comin up on ya. If you don't want me this close or I make a bad move just tell me and I'll back off" I have no idea what she's thinking about all this or anything. So I sit directly next to her. No pillowes between us, no 2 ft radius. No, we're next to each other. After about 5 minuts of talking and silence I finally lean over, hesitantly for a kiss. THANK FUCKING GOD she leaned in to and didn't do an ostrich neck pull back or something, so we kiss. I had music playing, It went from probably Rx Bandits or something to Minus the Bear. We kiss a bit, talk some more and eventually without words both agree she'll be staying here for the night. After awhile I kill the lights and we layed around talking.

That was our first date. It was one year ago and I've been blissful and happy beyond words ever since. I love that girl something fierce.
The light in this house... It looks like fall. the light is different. Light changes with the seasons as far as I can tell and it's not just the clouds mind you. It's not. With the music playing, I am expecting to walk outside and it be 60 or 70. But I know in my heart that its 90 or 100. I bought this album with my girlie in the city last winter. I'm so nostalgic right now I could cry.

Fall, when you will come grace me with your presence again? Fall where are you? I know it's only august, but I miss you miss fall, oh where oh where are you? Would you please come visit me sooner than october? Could you come by in september? Please? Oh how I love you miss fall.
I backed my car into a cop car the other day
Well he just drove off sometimes life's ok
I ran my mouth off a bit too much oh what did I say
Well you just laughed it off it was all ok

And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on any way well

Well, a fake Jamaican took every last dime with that scam
It was worth it just to learn from sleight-of-hand
Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands
Good news will work its way to all them plans
We both got fired on the exactly the same day
Well we'll float on good news is on the way

And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on alright
Already we'll all float on
Now don't you worry we'll all float on
Alright already we'll all float on
Alright don't worry we'll all float on

And we'll all float on alright
Already we'll all float on
Aliright don't worry even if things end up a bit to heavy
We'll all float on alright
Already we'll all float on
Alright already we'll all float on
Ok don't worry we'll all float on
Even if things get heavy we'll all float on
Alright already we'll all float on
Don't you worry we'll all float on
All float on


Alright, so when I was younger, I was a huge MJ fan. from like ages 1 to 5, maybe a short while after.

I'm not the biggest fan today, but watching the last half of the memorial and shit, its getting to me a bit. I grew up in his keyboardists recording studio(chris currel was my dads partner in owning the business), i've met both him and MJ. He had good messages, alot of soul and one of the best voices when for his age when he was in the jackson 5.

The best way I can think to honor him is to play some music. I mean literally play. Rock some bass, play some guitar sing some songs. let music fill your heart.

Jul. 6th, 2009

now why is it that all my ex girls(cept one) talk to my sis still? i mean, they talk to me too from time to time, but they like talk to her weekly, or daily, or monthly. where me its like once in a blue moon.

dont understand. lmao

buh nuh

saw this san antonio ska band in the town i work in, it was pretty awesome. we danced our faces off!!
Have you ever felt what it means to be truly alone?
Stop and think right now
Have you ever been alone?
Have you ever felt so cold?
Have you ever felt to truly alone?
So freezing cold?
So find the fakest elation I hope it takes you away
Now I've got it all worked out now
Just a memory, picture framed illusion
We're given a garden,
And gave back a parking lot
(We got about fifteen minutes to go...)
Before this audience starts
Throwing tomatoes, yeah!
(It's not the end, there is more show!
We got about fifteen minutes to go!)
Survived the plague
Floated the flood
Just peeked our heads above the mud
No one's immune
Deafening bells,
My God, will we survive ourselves!?
I'm not an alarmist
But someone should break the glass
(and pull that red T-lever down!)
To get their attention
start lobbing the Light Grenades
(that burst and blind them with the truth,
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth!)
Survived the plague
Floated the flood
Just peeked our heads above the mud
No one's immune
Deafening bells,
My God, will we survive ourselves!?
Survived the plague
Floated the flood
Just peeked our heads above the mud
Wip off your face, we've come this far
Come on! Remember who you are!
(Remember! Remember!)
Come on! Remember who you are!
(Remember! Remember!)
Come on! Remember who you are!!!